My Seed Stories

Have you ever went to a party, and are ignored by most of the crowd? Fear not. I give you 5 steps to make sure that you WILL be the center of attention. Though I do not promise on whether it would be positive or negative attention, I do promise that you will get SOME attention. Some people may give you their name cards. Others may call you names. Some might wanna sleep with you. And perhaps some might also wanna murder you. It’s all in how you play the game.

1. Drink alcohol.
If you are drinking rose syrup and trying to initiate a conversation, chances are that you will not be heard. People might even think you are invisible. Have some alcohol in your bloodstream, and you might not even shut the fuck up! You can blabber enthusiastically and confidently about shit you don’t even know about. You will be so animated that people will be transfixed on you actions and words. Even if the party doesn’t serve booze, try to guzzle down some before you get to the party.

2. Lie incessantly.
Everybody tells some sort of lie once in a while. In a party, it’s best to bullshit your way through, taking no prisoners along the way. Unless the guy you’re talking to isn’t Dr Cal Lightman, you can get away with almost any lie. Talking about facts like how you paid your traffic summons after queuing up for 3 hours isn’t awesome. Instead, tell whomever that is willing to listen how you escaped the clutches of a kidnapper when you were 12 using a pigeon, a monkey wrench and a bag of chips. Now that’s quality storytelling.

3. Be defensive.
Of course, there will always be the nerd from this hotshot university in the country trying to prove your wrong with lots of facts. He’d be asking you to supply the details of your kidnapping endeavors and attacking you by saying some things are impossible and don’t add up. So, the natural thing to do is to be defensive and DO NOT allow the argument to continue further. Make HIM embarrassed. Try saying “Oh yeah! Hey look everyone! Einstein here is trying to prove a point. BORING!” Then look at him and say “So now you think everyone in this room is an idiot, huh?” I can guarantee that the whole crowd will laugh with you and that smart prick can go shove his face in the trash can.

Unless that nerd is looking like this. Then you can ditch the whole crowd in her favour

4. Let the music roll.
Liven up the party by playing some music. Never mind about the host. Fuck him. Or her. Play some samba songs and start a conga line. Grab the ass of the hottest chick/guy there and go around like a choo-choo. Maybe play some Timbaland and start frisking around. Make enough noise till the neighbours look around. If you’re in a bar/pub, start putting on your best moves. Dance like you’ve got epilepsy. No one gives a shit in a bar/pub because of the dim lights.

5. Start exchanging contact details.
If you find a person from the opposite sex who is attractive enough, try hitting on them Surely by now, you’re the party’s pulse. You will immediately get some nookie tonight. Hook up with some persons from the same sex maybe for some great business deals or even better, an invitation to MORE parties. Just make sure you don’t puke all over the host’s Persian rug.

This could be your reward for your awesome party skills

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