Bolehland officials last month introduced a national healthcare scheme creatively titled Haha, You Lose in efforts to throw a big, nationwide Fuck You! to the general Bolehland public. The scheme is poised to come into effect next month following deafening silence from the lawmakers who claim to have no fucking idea what the hell are they doing.
Widely circulated in Facebook before the official announcement, the new scheme mainly took brickbats from the general online masses who were opposed to being sucked dry by the government every month. Powerpoint slides obtained from certain government hospitals detailing the scheme were met with insulting remarks, especially towards the elementary level of skills used to create said slides.
Some comments were constructive though, especially those from leading ethnic-based political parties such as the Machais and also the Monkeys In Confusion. These supporters claimed that the scheme will be very beneficial while quoting irrelevant ponzi scheme examples as yardsticks. The support exists despite them not knowing a single thing about public healthcare other than the fact that hospital food tastes very bad.
Government spokesman, Datuk Dewata Raya Maha Kismis Pejuang Viagra Seri Chan Mali Chan said that this scheme is good and beneficial to the people of Bolehland. He then stared at the mic thrust to his face for a good 50 seconds before continuing “Yes. It’s very beneficial. Thank you.” We at Seed Stories still do not have the slightest fucking idea what the hell will the scheme do.
Early conspiracy theories suggest that the Bolehland government will implement the scheme hurriedly to milk more money from the masses to fund the coming elections and karaoke parties. Rumours suggest that after possibly winning the government back, the PM will make a U-turn and abolish the scheme “after giving it some thought about the welfare of the people” [sic]. The grapevine also suggests that Hollywood screenwriters are preparing a passable script to be fed to the hordes of mindless Bolehlanders, notwithstanding the PM affliction with Idiocitis reported earlier.
Fliers and leaflets were distributed to inform the public on the benefits of Haha, You Lose. The biggest plus point of this new scheme is that you cannot choose your attending health practitioner. This bodes well to fans of Russian Roulette as you may never know whether are you assigned a quality doctor or someone who is just there because his uncle knows somebody who knows somebody’s barber. Another widely touted benefit is that you will part with 10% of your basic salary for the funding of the scheme and automatically have your name inserted into the annual lucky draw pool. Prizes include a free appendectomy, hip replacement surgeries and one year’s supply of MC’s for you to skip work.
Stay tuned for more pieces of shit news from the government soon.
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