My Seed Stories

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Today we tweeps were greeted by a mind-blowing news. Bolehland is gonna have nukular energy. Woot! Now, we stupid Gobloks might forget about this issue next week, possibly after the boys in blue decide to shoot a puppy because it growled at them and they needed to defend themselves from the possible embarrassment of being upstaged by a 2 feet mutt in the eyes of the public. So let’s make seed while the sun shines. By that I mean make fun of the issue.

So here I am examining the possible reasons, effects and what-not that comes together with nukular energy because, seriously, when bored people such as myself discuss this issue to an uninterested audience, the only thing stopping them from killing themselves is a bunch of totally ridiculous but PLAUSIBLE scenarios put into the mix.

All I’m saying is, some people are embarking on a secret project to create a superhuman being called The Incredible Sulk. Our totally inept Ai-Gee-Pee who has been crying like a bitch and acting like Ellen Page in Juno when the public demanded answers regarding the trigger-happy cops. With Bendera from Indonesia wanting to prison-fuck Malaysia for allegedly “stealing” a song, who could blame us if we wanted a superhero to lead the frontline when the inevitable attack occurs. Thus, the perfect subject has been identified: a man of (dis)honour, (dis)serving the public with all his might. Give him superpowers and he can sulk around in a mega scale to fuck these intruders six ways to Sunday.

Finishing Move of The Incredible Sulk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you

I know. I’m come up with awesome conspiracy theories right? Laugh all you want. You won’t be laughing when your future kid is born with a boob on his forehead.

Of course, you might ask, why build a goddamn nukular plant just to create ONE superbeing? Simple. This is Bolehland. If it’s anything, we can always overspend and do it in 10-times larger scales and waste taxpayers’ money like how a homeless man shits around everywhere – he simply doesn’t give a fuck.

But all you hippie environmentalists might be crying out “How will we manage the waste?”.

Good question. Here’s the answer. We’ll let Sinkapoh deal with it. Or sell to that Ahmadinejab fler. Or hide it inside Hamsor’s hair. I dunno. We’ll figure out SOMETHING. Isn’t that what we’ll always do?

All your nukular waste are belong to us

Just kidding, folks. The real solution is let The Incredible Sulk feed on the nukular waste to keep him strong.

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!

ANYWAYS, I just have one small misgiving about the whole idea. How can a nation with leaky parliaments, cracked expressways and a collapsed stadium expect to build a fully functional nukular plant? I’m sure our leaders will figure out something.

I mean, come on now. Have a little faith in them, will ya? It only took them 5 years to kick out a sleeping, drooling Pee Em. All it takes is a mini-Chernobyl here, and BAM! You’d have royal commissions, enquiries, inquests, karaoke sessions, tweetups and whatnot to spend another inflated amount of budget to rectify a problem that was never supposed to happen in the first place? 20 years after that, the problem is (seemingly) solved!

Not to mention who’s gonna head up the whole project. Do I see a C.Montgomery Burns in the making here? Let’s see here. We need a feeble, ugly old fart who annoys the fuck outta every sane person alive. He needs to spew venom each time he says something and he’ll twist and turn facts. Maybe that Kerala Kutty fler can do this job.

Now all we need is a safety inspector, just like Homer Simpson. Ribbit Ali anyone?

The wrong person for the wrong job

This article is brought to you by FNN – FAKE NEWS NETWORK. DON’T FUCKING SUE ME.

PS: I spelt nukular that way coz my Ingerlund very the bad. Coz no PPSMI.

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