Then my interest in fairy tales spawned again after watching a movie called Little Red Riding Hood. Little Red wasn’t so little, in fact I think she was a 34DD. Maybe just 36D. What do men know about these things eh? Plus I was only 13 or 14 at that time. You couldn’t blame me if I got the measurements wrong, you know. Anyways, about the only thing I learned from that movie (other than the fact that the word “riding” in the title was a pun – porn makers are soooo smart) is that fairy tales makes awesome fantasies.

We all know Prince Charming came and kissed Snow White on the lips and she woke up and yadda yadda yadda. Little girls would skip around happily imagining their Prince Charming to take them away. Little boys wouldn’t be bothered with that story. Teenage boys, now they, would be imagining what goes on after Snow White rides away with the Prince (Hahaha another pun. I know. I’m childish.). I mean, did the Prince use a condom? Or was there an orgy involved with all those dwarfs (kinky, but midget sex is not my style)?

What about Cinderella? She should have just asked the fairy Godmother for a dildo and a few submachineguns. The SMGs to shoot the fuck out of her stepsisters and the dildo to hang on her wall. Just kidding. A dildo would be a bad idea. A vibrator seems more like it. Can you imagine being a princess only until 12am, then you loose your mojo and end up in your stinkass clothes while you’re unclogging the toilet? Tough luck, Cindy. Like I said, vibrators are a good idea. At least you get to entertain yourself after 12am instead of waiting for a cheesy prince to walk around with a fucking glass slipper all over town. Who knows how long that might have taken.

Of course they’re not wearing push-up bras!

These are all the crazy shit I used to ask myself when it comes to fairy tales. Guys are mostly incapable of not fantasizing. How could you expect us not to think of horny stuff when most of the fairy tales involve some chick in a corset trying to find a guy for the obvious reason of her being horny? And they call Disney cartoons family-friendly. Morons.

Remember the Pied Piper of Hamelin? After he didn’t get his due, he played his instrument (musical, not genital) and made all the little kids in the town of Hamelin follow him into some place, never to be seen again. Dumbass. I wud’ve slapped him silly. Here you are, with the power to hypnotize people with your instrument (again, musical) and you bring kids to you. Fucking paedophile. He should’ve just made all the virginal hot chicas to follow him and be members of his harem. Then he could play his instrument all day long (this time, not the musical one).

This seems like a better way to make use of the Pied Piper’s talents, eh?

Fairy tales. Seedy. Very.

PS: Images are sourced from HERE. Go enjoy yourselves with more of such pics.

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