In a public statement, the Rainbow Coalition has deemed this act to be severely prejudiced, saying that it has nothing to do with the rally in downtown KL on July 9th and has always been non-partisan. They also added that in light of the current statement by Yorais, they are heavily considering to lend their support to that coalition that aims for clean something something something.

Seditious

“Continous discrimination towards anything yellow in colour will only create more sympathisers to the cause“, quipped Violet, President of the Rainbow Coalition. “Yellow is one of the most esteemed member of our coalition, and we will not cast him out“.

Last week, the yellow Teletubby, Laa-Laa, was arrested in the most unceremonious fashion. Amateur videos have implicated law enforcement officers smashing the television screen on Laa-Laa’s belly and screaming obscenities such as “Balik Tubby-land laaaa! Pengkhianat!“. Laa-Laa is currently held under the Emergency Ordinance although under what pretense, it is still unclear. Other teletubbies, Dipsy,Po and Tinky Winky have condemned the act and promised to hold a candlelight vigil every night until Laa-Laa is released. The vigil has entered its 6th day now.

Pictured: The end of Malaysia

Meanwhile, the Sinestro Corps, which went underground earlier this month, anticipating crackdown by the officials, have released a video from a cave. Al-Jareeza Engrish picked up the video, which was broadcast last night. It’s leader, Thaal Sinestro, issued a statement – YAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHGGGHHHH!!!!!. Nothing more is known other than the fact that the fear of yellow has fed the Sinestro Corps with more power and they will be poised to take over Bolehland soon, with the exception of The Juice stepping in to finish the job themselves.

Yellow never looked more powerful. Or butt-ugly,

The local daily, Utusan Meloya, claims that they know everything about this, though. Meanwhile their editor, Bawang Selamat, is still looking for answers for yesterday’s crossword puzzle. Reports leaked out that he is unable to solve the clue “Xanthophobia is the fear of the colour ________”.

- Bulshittin’ Utama (part of Berita Tipu Networks Inc)

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It is a new Malaysia, one that has showed us the true spirit a unity and also unmasked the ugly side of certain assholes hell-bent on making life hard for the public. One could only imagine the source of anti-socialism for the latter category mentioned; father didn’t hug them much, father hugged them too much, God knows what…

Ladies and gentlemen,

I’m sure you already know all the colourful characters that were involved during the build-up to to event that unfolded with a deafening crescendo. But who takes home the top prizes for their respective categories? Don’t worry as I have painstakingly done all the necessary vote rigging to ensure that your favourite person walks home with the award while I pocket some contracts to make a nationwide murukku franchise.

Before we move on to the awards, here’s a few messages from our sponsors.

This event is brought to you by APCO... errrrr I mean, ONE MALAYSIA

Many poor Malaysians still can't afford proper clothing. Please donate to Tabung 1Malaysia.

Hello there! We’re back for the awards and what a great night it’s gonna be! I don’t have many categories to give away and the government ain’t too keen on high standards once they’ve given their contracts out so here’s my wishy-washy awards!

Seed Stories’ Madey Flip-Flop Award

And the winner is…… **drumroll** Jibby!

Come on now! Who else was gonna win this award? I mean, first he said I don’t know her, then I saw her once, then he went back to I don’t know her…. Oh sorry off topic. First he said you can’t walk… then he said I’ll give you a big stadium to shout in, then he said I dunno what’s a stadium please ask my boys sorry gotta go pack I wanna meet Big Ben tataaaa ohai Benedict!

That was a great escape that no one else had ever done in Malaysian politics. Even the senile old man, whom this award was named after, can’t beat this flip-flop with his omaigoat ayam gonna retire boo hoo hoo boo hoo oh wait i’m okay now i won’t retire come let’s go get some contracts…

Seed Stories’ Obefiend Trolling Award

We saw plenty of trolling leading up to the days before Bersih happened. Many candidates put their name forward with mindfuckingly weird actions focused on the single aim of riling another party up and driving them up an imaginary wall lined with elephant snot.

And the award goes to… … .. Dang Wangi police station!!!!!!!

Come collect your permit. Yes yes yes, come come.  - Ok we’re on the way. – LOLJK! Nah this is just a letter denying you permit. You just got PUNKD yo!

Do I need to explain further?

Seed Stories’ J. Bruce Ismay Cowardice Award

Mr Ismay oversaw the construction of the Titanic and famously abandoned ship as soon as it started sinking, unlike the Captain who went down with the ship (according to majority of reports). We have a clear winner in this category and it is none other than….

Katak Ali!

Katak Ali, during a press conference. Please note that the camera adds 10 pounds.

If anyone cared to look back at the weeks leading to Bersih 2.0, Katak Ali was a loudmouth, spewing nonsense and hatred to anyone who would give him a mic to speak at. He promised a confrontation, and even appointed himself as a War General, despite the public already knowing that the only battle he ever participated in was one with a chocolate bar that he could not remove from the wrapping.

Chocolate wrapper in shameful defeat

What happened when the big day came? Katak Ali disappeared from the radar for more than 24 hours before making an appearence AFTER the event in a government media barking and hollering as usual. He publicly stated that he will be ducking behind his wife’s skirt/sarong but famously ordered his men to take a stroll at a location miles away from the original point of rendezvous thus proving that a dung beetle has bigger balls than him.

Seed Stories’ Crazy Hobo Conspiracy Theory Award

Many conspiracy theories surfaced last few weeks and it has been terribly hard to make a decision pertaining to this. The voting was lopsided very much like our Election Commission and even that produced a very close result. Recount was done within closed doors and it was a tough decision because either side offered a lot of kickbacks to me. Finally, I decided the winner to be… …

KERISMUDDIN!

Able to talk gibberish faster that a speeding bullet.

 (Photo from Mob’s Crib)

Yes folks, Kerismuddin famously said that communists are trying to usurp power and topple the government based on the fact that he saw 6 SOCIALISTS in possession of CHE GUEVARA tees along with yellow tees that were probably championing cleanliness. Shit, this ass is loonier than Mel Gibson (movie and real-life versions combined).

Coming in at a close second is the boys in blue finding (alleged) evidence of terrorism with neatly packed yellow tees and molotov cocktails. Wouldn’t take a genius to point out that those “molotovs” won’t amount to shit coz they’re in freakin’ PLASTIC bottles. Either they think we’re idiots or they’ve collectively at lead pellets while they were kids.

Seed Stories’ Richard Nixon Fib Award

You know, politicians lie. It just depends on how smart the lie is. If you’re wondering why this award was named after that bulldog Nixon, imagine this: the idiot got caught lying. So, without further ado, I bring to you, the winner for this magnificent award,

Oh my God it’s a double-winner! Give it up for Dr Chua and Mr Liow!

Pictured: Dr Chua's dinner

Yes folks, what an awesome fib it was! First the hospital said yes we coughed and itched, then the duo said, “Noooo the wind made you cough and itch!”, then the hospital said none of us coughed and itched, then one idiot said something random and another idiot said photos and videos cannot be brought into the discussion, then suddenly the doctors came out and said, Oi fuckers! We all coughed and itched la! And YOU made us cough and itch! We saw you do it!

KAPOOOWWWW!!! Duo left red-faced. Awaiting moronic reply. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, …….

Pictured: Your credibility being hosed down by water cannon

So there you have it folks! We’re done with today’s awards! Tune in next year or some other time some fucked up shit happens and kids, don’t forget – All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to something something something I don’t know… Here’s another message from our sponsors:

I just needed an excuse to put a picture of a hot girl here.

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Why is it that everything in this country seems so fragile? Why does someone jump their head off when something “taboo” is spoken out in public, when it is clearly not “taboo”? Why is it that I fear my children, and their children will forever be regarded as a person of “another colour”? Why do we always have to think a million times before voicing out displeasure?

Why does MACC hire a man who failed physics to represent them?

Why do some parties police the country looking for things that, according to them, incite hate and create disharmony among races? When did the freedom of expression got bottled up in the name of national secrets and/or security? Why does a man gets questioned by the police when someone incompetent in language skills makes an absurd police report? And why do some people blind the eyes of the people they serve with pointless finger pointing but never with beneficial actions? Truly the freedom of expression is very much lost to the ruling party. I’m considered a hard leftist whenever I choose to question something without blindly obeying. Idiots who grovel at their feet, on the other hand, are rewarded (directly or indirectly) and continue to stagnate in their thoughts and actions. The finale comes when these grovelers put the country’s name at shame by their stupidity.

Another national pride - The "unsinkable" submarine. Truly unsinkable.

Am I inciting hate? Or am I creating disharmony? Am I insulting my rulers? Or am I insulting a religion? None of those. Achieving independence is about learning to broaden our minds in every aspect. It is about mending old problems. It is about paving new ways towards advancement in skills and knowledge. Independence is about letting go of outdated policies and believes and replacing them with new ideas for the benefit of all of a country’s residents. Independence is about being able to think for yourself, and be free to voice out your displeasure. Be damned those politicians who think that I owe my allegiance to them. Be damned those politicians who think that their policies are in place to protect me. I am protected by the constitution, thank you very much. It is the retards and idiots who bend the constitution to suit their own whims and need that I am afraid of.

I want to see a future for me, where I am not discriminated based on petty differences of man such as the presence of facial hair or underwear colour AND skin colour. I want to know that I have the freedom of choice. Malaysians should be able to support any football team they want, without the overzealous zealots going on about devil-worship. I wanna express opinions without having some shit-faced asshole make a police report on me just because he is NOT smart enough to understand my comments. I wanna go to concerts and watch Beyonce shake her booty. Does this make me immoral? Why do I have moral police watching over my shoulders, trying to “protect” me?

We’ve dealt with immature racists and slimy politicians for so long that some of us have grown to “accept” that this is how things will be from now on. I’d tell those people to wake up from their slumber. No one must give up. If you truly believe that the nation is in distress and the government’s policies are detrimental to how we as a society will progress, then you shall never give up. How long will you stay silent for the travesties? Deaths in custody, corruption and leakages in the national coffers are rife.  Freedom to gather peacefully have been taken away. You CANNOT afford to stay silent AND be truly independent from the shackles of tyranny.

Apparently, he strangled himself. Then jumped out of the building. Case closed.

Banned in Malaysia. Dangerous. May lead to vigils.

I was born in this country. So did both my parents, all 4 grandparents, and 6 of my great-grandparents (only 2 were immigrants). Why should I be thankful to anyone except this land I call home? I contribute to society with equal zeal and honesty, yet I cannot brush off the feeling that I am unwanted by some quarters. I am labeled by communal stigma and although it is a burden most of us have to bear, it is one that I wish it I did not have. It is one that makes me want to lay the smackdown on those wretched scum of Malaysia who concoct wild accusations of “insulting Islam, insulting Malays and insulting the King”.

Soon you'll be arrested for insulting this fler. Don't say I didn't warn you.

53 years of independence has brought us much advancement and achievements. But none would be so foolish if he were thinking that all of this is enough. There is a long, long way to go. Even after 53 years, there are some aspects still with closed doors and closed minds. Let’s just hope they open up by the time the next 50 comes up. I want to be able to raise the national flag and call myself a Malaysian without racial references. I know that this concept is still a dream at the moment, yet I do not fail to hope. I’ve seen plenty of wonderful Malaysians that have broken out of the mould the government set, and they keep my hope alive.

SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA KE-53

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Make fun of them, of course.

I’m telling you again ah,  read the fucking DISCLAIMER. Some people can’t tolerate satire if it bites them in the arse. Seriously folks, lighten up. Else, I think you might be a politician. Enjoy.

PS: I think I’ve some spelling errors down there. Be a dear and turn a blind eye. Else go complain to the Ministry of Education for pissing on PPSMI.

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1. A Seedy Independence Indeed
2. The Seedy Bersih Awards