My Seed Stories » political ignorance

Removing Seedy Politicians From Office

Kavi — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 07:57:17 +0000

The question remains on why society keeps on electing the same assholes to office when it clearly shows that they are not adept at handling such power. In some places, democracy is preached, but is it fully being implemented? Freedom of speech clearly has been grounded in favour of political-based media which attempts to glorify every single trivial matter that falls into the hands of their masters. A sad revelation, is it not?

Maybe it’s time to weed out certain men (and women) at office who are clearly sitting in a nation’s parliament as big, stinking turds. A big fiasco is born whenever an election nears, where every single issue at hand is whined upon and lamented with such drama that the cast of The Bold and The Beautiful would simply cry while watching. So, doesn’t it seem fitting that when we can compare these scenarios to day-time soap operas, we can also try to implement some movie-styled justice?

The BadAss Policeman
A big top cop might be able to do the trick. Picture this: an honest cop, not wanting to stay in the bottom ranks, bribes and cheats his way to the top. When he’s up there, he sets out to do what he dreamed of doing his whole life. To bring the corrupt and evil to justice. Punish the wrongdoers up there in the high echelons of power. Martial law. No talks. Just guns, bullets, and handcuffs. His enemies would surely bring out the story that he has his share of bribes and scandals. He bribes the investigators in the name of the Utilitarian Concept. Since he has the top job, his job of cleaning the country would be much easier. When the smoke clears, he resigns and turns surrenders to the police for his own past crimes, albeit being sincerely loved by the public for being their dark knight. This is surely much better than a whiny top cop who doesn’t know that crossing roads when the light is red is wrong.

Imagine THIS GUY as your next IGP. Now tremble in fear.

The Vigilante
Get someone with the flair and style of The Punisher. Yes. The Marvel comic character. The vigilante can go around with all guns blazing (literally and figuratively). Judge, jury and “punisher”. Albeit with a good understanding of the law and binding loyalty to upholding the law and the truth, just like The Daredevil. Not some trigger happy punk. Bullets lay waste to gang leaders and rapists and sadists and traitors. Instigators of disharmony wounded or crippled to teach a lesson to others. Or perhaps some insanely rich guy dressed as a bat walking around at night beating criminals to a bloody pulp. You know he ain’t gonna kill anyone. The worst thing he could do is drop you off the roof of a one-story building and watch you writhe in pain due to your shattered leg bones.

Now serving JUSTICE, with a side order of PAIN

A Mole
What about a mole from the inside? A member of the current power, collecting and compiling mismanagement issues with proof. Feeding loyal and true policemen with valuable information for criminal trial. Wouldn’t that be great? Criminals cussing and killing among themselves, looking for the traitor amongst them. Ala Reservoir Dogs. Ouch. They can kill each other at the end. Malaysia runs out of popcorn by the end of the saga. We all get our country back.

Just don't tell the mole that his ending involves bucketloads of his own blood.

But doesn’t all of this instigate instability? Won’t all of this ruin a country? No. It wouldn’t. It closes the way for more problems in the socio-economics of a country. Sacrifice. Unwavering faith and loyalty towards one’s country. A duty of every citizen to make sure that idiots don’t end up corrupting the sacred ideology of independence. To make an example of one guilty man so that none may repeat the others’ acts. So that the act discrimination will itself be discriminated. So that life may continue with hopes of survival and advancement in matters of the mind.

Screw all this. You don’t need to don a cape nor carry a gun. All you need to do, is exercise your right to vote. Vote out the pests that are tainting our country.

Independence from foreign rulers is an accomplishment. A birthright of every citizen to live in his own land without being suppressed in any manner. Independence from internal corruption is a privilege for only those who are willing to think of his fellow brethren rather than for his own gain. Honour is still bestowed upon you when you break free from the clutches of outside parties by forming your own ideologies. But greater honour is bestowed when you dare to take a stand against all those who dare to corrupt the ideologies that everyone fought for against the outside parties.

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The Seedy Foreign Language

Kavi — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 07:06:29 +0000

Johnny Inggebish stared at the documents laid in front of him. They were of some foreign language that he could not comprehend. He cursed under his breath. His brows furrowed, accentuating the deep lines on his forehead. He cursed his secretary for not informing him beforehand that these documents – which contained important findings on a very serious matter pressing the nation at this point – were not in his native language. He cursed his personal assistant for failing to appoint an experienced translator. But most of all, he cursed his predecessors who held his position before him. Damn those bastards. It was their seedy policies that had lead to this.

Johnny Inggebish had gone through a lot in his life. He had been a great champion of rights for his people. They adored him, or at least provided him the illusion that they adored him. Not that it matters to him. It had taken a lot outta him to be here, at this place. A few more years, a decade at most, and he’ll be the one looking down at all the others. All those years of hard work; all those years of snaking his way in and out, is now under threat of going to waste. All because of a set of documents presented to him in a language he is unable to read in. And the people were demanding for an immediate answer. By not being able to comprehend the report, he’d look like a total idiot.

Being an idiot isn’t cool.

Beads of sweat formed on Johnny Inggebish’s forehead. How is he going to get out of this pickle? This isn’t some issue that he could throw a smokescreen and make a dash for it. His name is stapled to the issue now since he’s the man-in-charge for this whole agenda. There’s only one thing for him to do now. The report’s findings shall not come out, whichever side it favours. The plan began to form slowly.

Johnny Inggebish buzzed his secretary and told her to put forward a request to his boss. He needed all the warlords to agree to this. There’s no other way. He then waited. He knew the big kahuna wouldn’t dare waste time on this matter. Something important for the whole team was coming up, and they need a good leverage. This would be it.

The call came soon enough. The meeting was scheduled tomorrow. Johnny Inggebish sneered. Enough time to prepare his whopper. He slept soundly that night, even managing to enjoy some Dom Perignon before victory was even proclaimed. The man had enough cheek to act so confidently.

The next day

Johnny Inggebish looked at the assembly around him. Time to start the propaganda, he thought to himself. He lifted the documents that were given to him yesterday. He cursed the foreign language. He told his comrades about how foreigners are still burrowing into the country’s young minds and trying to colonize them with television and T-shirts and cars and most importantly, their language. This foreign language must be killed off instantly. He drilled into their heads regarding scientific terms and mathematical equations being the mind-control mechanism of the foreign invaders.

Foreign languages sound funny. They also turn you into sexy blue cat-like people

Johnny Inggebish smiled to himself. He thought to himself about how stupid his “comrades” are. They didn’t know that he doesn’t know how to read the foreign language. That was his plan. He needed to demonize all foreign languages so that his shortcomings would be excused. They failed to see that it wasn’t about national integrity or unity or any of those off-key issues. It was about him. Him alone. Johnny Inggebish’s plan was, if he couldn’t understand the language, then no one else would. And since his plan to get to the top would only come into fruition ina decade or so, he needed the younger generation to be as oblivious as he is now. It is much easier to rule ignoramuses, he thought. Nowadays, EVERYTHING is political.

Johnny Inggebish looked up. He then spoke in his native language.

“Saya menyarankan agar PPSMI dimansuhkan dan kita kembali kepada pembelajaran dalam Bahasa Melayu. Anda setuju atau tidak, sidang kabinet?“

“SETUJUUUUU!!!!!“, came the deafening approval.

This post was taken from my older blog. I felt it was relevant because there a lot of nuts on Twitter speaking terrible Inggebish. What’s worse is that they almost always misunderstand tweets from other people due to their inability to comprehend a simple sentence structured in 140 characters. How dumb can you get?