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The Cows and The Condo

Kavi — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 17:56:56 +0000

The feedlot and the condos. Plenty of smokescreen and nonsensical arguments put forth by the corridors of power and we’re none the wiser. Basically all we know is there’s more bullshit thrown at the people of Malaysia than the cows produce in one day. But hey, that’s just fodder for the comedy cannon right?

So what exactly did our famous Malaysians say when asked to comment on the cow and condo issue?

Tun Madey – How do you expect Malays to hold on to power if every single person talks about cows?

Jibby – This is in line with the government’s effort to provide more freedom to the people and cows of Malaysia.

Tsu Koon - My thoughts are the same with the PM, as always. But more importantly, I’m pulling out of the next election. It’s a big sacrifice on my part.

Mooyiddin – Why are you asking me? You should be asking the cowherd.

Rid T – As Malays, we eat lots of beef. Thus it is simple logic that the cows be allowed to do what they want.

Ibbit Ali – This… thisss… this is not a cow nor a condo issue! You Indians don’t eat beef so you are trying to play this up! And it is all because of that Ambiga woman! Don’t think we can’t see through your lies. We will defend this country before we lose all political power!

CSL – Yes, it was me in that condo. That cow was a very dear personal friend of mine. No more questions.

Saifool – The condo was at a secret location. I went there, and the cow put its penis inside my anus.

Nazri – There is no evidence linking the cows and Saifool.

yoRais - This is the best cow business I have ever chanced upon, since I became a minister. The best ever.

Pak Lah – The minister and her husband are more than capable of handl…… ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anwar – This is a deliberate attempt made in bad faith, to swindle the monies of the Malaysian people.

Kinabatangan Bigfoot – The minister should resign. And handover the condo as dowry for my wedding.

Khairy – Well, it’s like this. It’s made to look like an escrow account but it’s not. It belongs to the class of “principle-accounts” held under the cow farm bearing interests to the board but not the shareholder, who actually gain an empirical profit from the investment in real-estate based on the mutually exclusive dividends paid out by the buyers of the meat in return for a high quality product. Any schoolkid can understand this simple explanation.

Ali Ketam – We’re drawing up laws against homosexual cows. Just in case.

MACC – The cows will be called up for questioning at the 15th floor of the condominium complex tomorrow. No further comments.

JAKIM – There’s pig DNA in the cows.

Ambiga – Cows can have condos but regular Malaysians are suffering in the street. If cows can have civil liberties, why can’t we Malaysian citizens have them?!

Guan Eng – Penang has already achieved the national target of producing premium beef at half the cost and manpower. And we have free WiFi at our abattoirs.

Bik Mama – The feedlot didn’t achieve it’s target because it didn’t use green technology. But we have been able to make quality handbags from cow foreskins.

Keng Liang – I thank the PM for his hard work in ensuring that the 1Malaysia citizens are provided with high quality 1Malaysia beef from the 1Malaysia cows. Truly a PM for everyone. 1Malaysia.

Namewee – Cheebai lanjiao cows! Lu ingat senang ah mau bikin feedlot lepas itu kasi buang duit dalam longkang? Pukimak lu lah!

How about those people who are a bit more… well… closer to the ground?

@syahredzan – Lembu? Siapa? Siapa? Siapa kau panggil lembu?

@myy085 – Hatta apa sekalipun yang diperkatakan, daging lembu di Miri yang paling best sekali.

@superredpatek – I promise to give you premium cuts of beef if you vote for me to be the TJ Youth Chief.

@youtiup – Cina mau makan lembu harini.

@aidasue – Hi uols! Jangan lupa, #twtupLembu Ahad ini!

@kennleandre – Stupid cows. #Ha.

@shakirameer – We mamaks make a lot of money with selling nasi kandar, man. I’m don’t give a fuck about where does the beef come from.

@tashny – Fuck. Staying up late night to do this article on cows. Cibai la!

@spinzer – All right guys! Crowdsource RM3000 (using small donations of RM5 – RM10) to buy a cow for my 27th birthday!

@anthraxxxx – Fucking cows and condos! Whose fucking money these fuckers think they’re spending? Cibai lah. Just like the Melaka MRT.

@patrickteoh – Niamah. I also wanna farm cows.

@limmengkeong – Gua hari ini tak nak cakap pasal lembu pasal sudah lama isu ini didebatkan. Hari ini, gua nak cakap pasal laksa Penang.

@pualdidan – Melayu International tak makan daging lembu Malaysia.

@obefiend – Meleis complainng aboit peoplw complaining abput feedlot. Bangang kau pun bayar tax jugak kan? Fucjing ignorant asshols.

@bongkersz – HUUUUAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!! What fucking cows? pffffft!

@kavilan – Bored. MIC cows quiet on timeline.

This post was written in collaboration with @bongkersz. Inspiration was from his article titled Malaysian politicians & famous people on #themissingrmafengine

If you have any suggestions for future topics, please put them in the comments section below.

No related posts.

Facebook Conversations Return: Part V

Kavi — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 14:08:01 +0000

Yes, I couldn’t stay still and this just popped out in my head. Today we have some of the usual nonsense, served up fresh for you from the depths of my crazy mind. Why do I do this? Coz I am too lazy to write out something new and original. Enjoy this for the next 45 seconds.

Credits to @anthraxxxx. Click on image to view his tweets

Yes, only three convos this time. I’m lazy. Bite me.

Malaysian Facebook Conversations: Vol IV

Kavi — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 07:05:06 +0000

You really don’t need any more introductions to this series. It was supposed to be long dead by now, but somehow people just keep asking for more and it keeps resurfacing like a bad anecdote from PERKASA. I’ll stop this introductory nonsense for now. Images after the jump.

The Final Cut – Malaysian Facebook Conversations: Vol. III

Kavi — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 07:14:23 +0000

The response for the last fake Facebook conversations has been absolutely amazing! It’s been a while since I experienced such high hit numbers, and by my standards, those numbers are like WHOA!

So I came up with a bit more of such conversations. And who are we kidding here, eh? It’s the best time to be doing this kinda stuff coz of all the crap in Malaysia that’s going on. I mean, can there BE any other country in the world right now that’s a fucking smorgasbord of humour and satirical material?

And oh, it’s my final one. I gotta go look for some other material. Here you go, folks!

M’sian FB Conversations Part 1 and Part II

Malaysian Facebook Conversations: Vol. II

Kavi — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 09:00:55 +0000

Idle hands are the tools of Satan. Or so they say. With all the issues we’re neck-deep in Malaysia now, it’s no wonder that people with plenty of imagination like me can sit down, draw up an article and make fun of the happenings that are holding us by the balls today.

You can find the Vol 1 of the Malaysian Facebook Conversations HERE. But right now, have a look at the following load of crap.

Oh yeah, I ran out of ideas sooner this time… Must be the blood polluting my alcohol stream after the New Year’s party

Malaysian Facebook Conversations

Kavi — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:07:37 +0000

I’ve been having too much time on my hands. I just found this new application to have endless fun with, and I’ve been going at it for a while.

We use Facebook quite often these days that for most of us, it doesn’t matter if we’ve washed our faces or not, but if we’re not updating our Facebook statuses at least once a day, we’re probably feeling dead already. So much for privacy in today’s world. So I’ve been scanning through Facebook to find actual fun conversations, but all my friends ever do is talk about boring stuff like last week’s kidney surgery or hair transplant procedure. So I decided to make my own (fake) Facebook conversations. Enjoy.

You can find the application HERE