Twilight: The Suckiest Movie in History
I was extremely worried for my friend yesterday. She posted something on her Facebook page that resembled this damning statement: “Twilight: New Moon was the best movie of the year”. After a few calls to her family members I can now rest happily after being assured by them that my friend was brought to a psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with severe delusions. She is currently undergoing treatment.
The Twilight “Saga” has been the talk of many irritating teenage girls and also young adult women who have no connection to the real world. I, for one, do not fucking understand, WHY, for the love of God, is the whole series called a “saga”. The Lord of the Rings trilogy was a saga. The entire Star Wars universe was a saga. I cannot accept movies with effeminate vampires and one-dimensional actresses as sagas.
If you haven’t heard about Twilight by now, congratulations. Although you seem to be totally living in the stone age, I still have hope for humanity. Here’s a gist. Mortal high school chick falls in love with 108-year-old effeminate vampire in the 1st movie. Said effeminate vampire wimps out and runs away, and high school chick gets all mopey and teases an effeminate werewolf in 2nd movie. The 3rd movie will feature the effeminate vampire and the mopey chick talking about marriage and the effeminate werewolf feels sorry for his furry ass. In the 4th installment, they marry and have a child. The end.
- I’m pale. And I’m vegetarian!
Forgive me, but let me ask you one question. How do you like your vampires? I like mine bloody, fangy, and probably don’t give two fucks about humans giving them the stick. That’s like totally opposite to Edward Cullen, the protagonist of the Twilight series. Edward is a “vegetarian” vampire – that means he only sucks blood from animals and not humans. Yeah, right. Can you imagine what would happen if Edward went to a vampire-only school? He would’ve got his ass handed to him by all the other vampire kids. Everybody’s going around biting into some poor human’s neck and here we have Edward sucking on a chicken neck. Col Sanders ain’t gonna be too happy with that, I tell ya.
This is how I like my vampires. Gnarly and bloody
- This is how I look like for the whole movie.
What about the female lead? Bella’s her name. Nothing much to say about her. She walks around the whole series staring wide-eyed into the camera. It’s almost like she’s sorry for herself for taking up the role of a female lead whose character development is more alike to a plate of damp rice slowly going mouldy over a few days.
- A werewolf? Maybe a gay one, perhaps.
Then we have the 3rd person here: Jacob the effing werewolf. Apparently, the werewolf clan from the whole series have forgotten how to wear shirts. Yeah sure, they have rock hard abs and all, but is that really necessary? I mean, after all, you’re simply gonna change into a big teethy dog and run around here and there. Does it make an effing difference here? And come on, the werewolves don’t look so scary at all. Though I’m not surprised at this. Afterall, this IS a movie with “vegetarian” vampires.
An example of a scary and tough werewolf.
Even this is acceptable. Very grungy.
The Twilight werewolf. More like cute doggy from the pound.
Back to my delusional friend. Perhaps she hasn’t seen any other movie this year, but COME ON! Twilight? That is such a seedy movie, my frens.
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I personally prefer my vampires busty and exotic
Hahah I heard from one of my deluded friends who was at the premire, that girls were screaming when Jacob ripped his shirt off
(and then she tried to convince me to come with her when she went to see it again. I legged it)
I only watched the first one once. but only for the last 30 minutes of the story and only because they were showing it on Star Movies and everyone at home was tuning in.
I have one friend who's totally in love with the "saga" she even gave me copies of the ebooks. And then I have a friend who went to watch it because he wanted to comprehend why my other friend is so in love with said "saga". I asked him for a review and he gave me this look -> O_O and said, "WTF."
I'll just stick to LOTR and Kings ;P
30 minutes into the movie I was already hating it; the female lead being a selfish noodle, Jacob being a dumb-ass and Edward being an emo prick.
Odd enough, my girlfriend was loving the movie all the way. Must be a 'girl' thing.
this is the best review ever…
Ammi: Busty eh? I'd love that as well. I wudn't mind horny either
s3xandch0c0late: Your friend should note that the book made very less amount of money compared to the movie. Although it's probably more money than she'll ever see in her life. That's a nice way to put her off.
dante: Hopefull it's ALL a girl thing. I'm waiting for a guy to swoon over, then slap him silly
Mo: of course it is. I wrote it!
Worst is when the vampires were exposed to sun, i mean come on, glittery vampires? They look like fukin Mariah Carey during her concert and it is such a disgraced for vampires.
haha.. brilliant.. I happen to be one of those hopeless females who loved the books (sorry a gal can always dream rite?) but can't deny that what you wrote is a pretty good (albeit insulting) review… haha
absolutely among the top movies around. Twilight rocks
I'm a girl and I hated the whole 'saga'. I watched the first movie and hated it. Maybe it's a writer's thing…
Nana´s last [type] ..NaNawrote- An article by @kavilan for those interested in Bahasa Malaysia in action http-bitly-9yiRe8 cc @lakiserigala @pypito @pebew
Nana´s last [type] ..NaNawrote- An article by @kavilan for those interested in Bahasa Malaysia in action http-bitly-9yiRe8 cc @lakiserigala @pypito @pebew
look here missy….i think everyone is entitled to their own opinion but u just went over the line with this this what so i would say rather stupid blog of yours…even if you hate it so much..you dun have to around writing this pomporous crap..duh..get a life
This movie is for fags!!!